I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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