I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My cat gives me a boner
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize