Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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