Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
