...so i touched it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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