She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
