Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
