i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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