I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
