are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
