I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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