i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
