I'm so fucking centered right now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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