your parents love me but you hate me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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