Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize