i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
