Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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