I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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