Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
