Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
