Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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