Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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