I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
