i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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