I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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