Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
