i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
