Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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