I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
