If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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