somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
