My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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