I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
