Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
