my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
