hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
