my phone needs a breathalizer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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