I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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