Just fell off a train. Bad.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
