Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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