Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
