Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
