Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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