You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
