I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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