I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
