question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
