this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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