i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
