Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
