3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize