I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
