How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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