my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
