I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Shame - the story of my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
