Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
