my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
