Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
