The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Let's paint friendship bongs
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
