her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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