my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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