Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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