You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
