he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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