and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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