You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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