So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
