So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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