I'm eating all of the evidence.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
