She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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