Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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