I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
