literally had 100 drinks last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
