Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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