I just made out with a guy for $7.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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