Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
