Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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