why didn't you poke me back
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
