I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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