He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
