he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
