He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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