96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize