you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
