apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
