You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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